".... and that should be just enough for an explosion."

If you are reading this. Thank you. Also you should know by now, this blog has nothing to do with Graphic Design.

My parents named me "Jamaal." It was their right to do so. I am not certain of the conversation that took place that caused them to land on this name. Nor am I sure what were the other potential names. I am certain that Keith Jr. was tossed around the conversation. It was in that moment that my father possibly did the best thing he could ever do for me. He said "No. I want him to be his own person." That is one thing I admire about my pops. While so many parents want carbon copies of themselves floating around, he wanted me to be an entity unto myself, fully equipped with my own thoughts, emotions, fears, aspirations, insecurities, and ideas about what life is. Jamaal it was.

And while I often wonder what exactly it is they had envisioned for me, I realize even more that I am the "Jamaal" they asked for. I am, like many of us, like you even, a lovable fuck-up. My mistakes are as frequent as highway mile markers. My hang-ups are many. Just ask anyone close to me, I shun any all ideas that many consider fun (try getting me into a club without a fight...it ain't happening). A friend of mine always tries to get me to see my accomplishments. I try but the truth is; I rarely feel as though I have accomplished anything. Roc says that I should be the face of all that we do. Sometimes I think that he believes my accomplishments overshadow his. He'll never realize that I have only made it this far by following in some of his better laid footsteps. And while I have a Bachelor's from a university I feel as though he has Mastered life. I look to that guy for so much. I chalk up a lot of what I am to what he always said we should be. So when he told me "We want more than the world has to give us." I listened. I adhered. I acted out.

I'm not certain it is ok for a man to be as sensitive as I am. Not sure where that come from. I used to think that I had my mom's sensitivity but then I thought about it. Mom was pretty fucking tough. I'm not "cry-baby" sensitve, though I will drop a couple if the situation calls for it.

I don't know what brings me before you tonight. The usual I guess. A war about nothing. You would think I'd learn by now. I haven't. Sorry.